Brave and the Bold Part 1

Oh man you guys a two-parter. I have been so used to writing one-parters that I had to take a refresher course on how to count to two. I hope this Thursday/Friday thing for the two-parters works ok. Actually, I’m not sure if I do hope that. I’m not sure what I hope. Uuuuuuuh. Ok.

So today and tomorrow we’re gonna take a look at Brave and the Bold, an episode from season one of Justice League and one that I once used a long time ago to practice making movies in some movie thing, and there was a song and it’s the sort of crap that you’d put on YouTube nowadays, but I have the common courtesy and human decency to realize that people don’t want to see that sort of shit at all.

The episode opens with a couple of what I assume are archealogists who are in Africa in one big hole. Though my notes say “one big old” and I think I’m going crazy. Suddenly the mountain behind them turns into a city and a bunch of gorillas go flying by and one of their errant gunshots hits the archealogists’ jeep, and the thing is completely on fire.

In Central City, Flash is eating a million hamburgers at a restaurant, while he hits on a couple of ladies. He also keeps reiterating the fact that he is the Flash, as though the costume were not enough of a tip off. All of a sudden a car comes smashing through the window, and Flash saves the two ladies which makes for a great excuse to touch their asses. He asks the guy in the car what happened, and a hamburger magically landed on the car in beautiful condition. I mean, someone could still eat that hamburger, unless there are shards of glass in it.

Flash takes off after the truck that ran the car off the road and some killer guitar provides the soundtrack. During the long chase scene, Flash jumps over some cars and dodges some bullets and runs past a place called “Tom’s Cafe” like 5 times. I’m going to just assume it is a franchise type joint.

I find that in Flash episodes, they find a way to be able to solve most every problem with running. Rubble about to crush people? Run around! It’s really quite fascinating.

He catches up to the truck, finally, and knocks on their window asking them to pull over and they swerve into Flash, apparently not realizing he meant pull over the other way. They swerve again and the truck starts to careen over the bridge and Flash runs to get the two guys out of it. Before it crashes into the water, GL catches it with his ring, though I’m sure Flash was already considering ways to catch it with running.

GL, as a fine example of how to extraneously use super powers, removes the suspects’ wallets with his ring.

They go see some scientist lady. She’s not very cheery.

In a park, Flash and GL are now getting some food at a food stand. It always looks so awkward, them just standing some place. In full costume. I don’t even know what course of events resulted in them being at that hamburger stand, but there they are. Suddenly some panicked people go sprinting past yelling something about a gorilla. Flash zips off to help, as a bunch of cops pull their guns on the gorilla. Were they gonna shoot the gorilla? Shouldn’t they have called a zoo or animal control or something? It’s a gorilla. It’s not an escaped convict. It’s not like gorilla is code for something.

And what luck! After seeing Carless Joe in the Patriot Act, we get his origins here! See, he was gonna drive somewhere, and then the gorilla steals his car. Hey Carless Joe!

Flash again chases his car past the same 10 stores that Central City seems to have. He manages to crash the car again, and the scientist from earlier is standing subtly on the top of a building with a huge gun that looks like a Super Soaker.

How she knew to be right there at that time is a mystery; let’s assume it involved science we can’t even begin to wrap our minds around. She blasts Flash with the gun, and he has a totally trippy dream sequence.

He gets really fat, and then he’s got this huge head, and then he turns into a puppet. All these are based off of actual Flash covers. Then he turns into a gorilla.

He wakes up in a prison, and a prisoner insists he move because Flash is “in his spot.” His spot being the very middle of the floor.

We find that Flash has been framed for stealing some isotopes and there’s a blonde cop interrogating him, and like every single blonde cop on the show, people insist he is a Barry Allen reference. Ok, sure. GL comes to bail him out. The chief guy asks why GL would post bail for “this low life.” This low life? You mean The Flash? Yeah that’s my definition of low life too. As they leave the prison, smacks him in the back of the head in the most satisfying way. Oh how I’ve dreamt to smack someone in the back of the head like that. There are even certain people I have in mind for such a head smacking.

GL doesn’t believe Flash’s tale about the talking gorilla and Flash insists GL give him the benefit of the doubt, since they both have “a martian’s phone number on their speed dial.” I guess J’onn has a phone. But I don’t get why Flash would even need speed dial.

They take off to check out uh, oh yeah, the gorilla thing. They go back to the park and GL sets his ring to “find footprints.”

They come across the talking gorilla, Solovar and GL finally believes he can talk. Solovar tells them about Gorilla City though, and they’re both like “no way!” You’d think by this point, everytime they heard any outrageous thing, they would just go “all right, cool.” It’s not even that outrageous. A talking gorilla from Gorilla City? Well yeah, where else would he be from?

Solovar tells our heroes about Grodd, and his elaborate plot to take revenge on Gorilla City. Somewhere around here Solovar says the best “YESSS” ever. I can’t even describe how great I find it. He tells us that scientist chick has been e-mailing Grodd and probably IMing and I have to wonder what kind of internet Gorilla City has. It brings up all kinds of questions about infrastructure and how a city is completely hidden but gets internet. What sort of computer does Grodd have? What OS is he running? Does he do any gaming? Never ending questions.

Flash zips off to question scientist lady, before Solovar can pass out what must be rather uncomfortable metal headbands. They head to the science lab as well, and Grodd controls Flash and makes him attack GL and Solovar. He throws a bunch of stuff at them, and GL is almost screwed over by some yellow bananas. He’s lucky that you could throw a banana at anyone and it wouldn’t really hurt.

GL somehow manages to land a hard punch on Flash, knocking him out. While he lay there, GL and Solovar take off after Grodd who is starting up a shield generator. The thing moves over our heroes, who yell “AAAAUUUUUUUAGUAUGHGHGH” but are completely fine, so whatever.

Central City, now covered in the field, appears to be gone! Not even a big mountain in its place.

And we all anxiously await the conclusion!

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