Special Bonus Content: JLU Teddy Grahams

Guys I think it is time for some Super Saturday Bonus Content.

I had heard rumor of Justice League “cookies” and as I journeyed to our local grocery store, I found them. They are actually Teddy Grahams in the shape of JLU characters. By which I mean, they are vaguely shaped like nothing, and the impression of a character is stamped into it.

Check this shit out.

A good source of calcium? Fuck yes.

Low saturated fat? Ok!

8g Whole Grain? You fucking right, Teddy Grahams.

I turned to the side of the box to see just what I’ve gotten myself into here.

There are 5 promised shapes: Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and the Justice League logo. How…how did Supergirl get in there? Who did she bribe? Anyway, you’re probably wondering, as I know I was, how do these promised cookie depictions stand up to the real thing? Let’s have a look.

Starting with Batman.

First thing I’m noticing here is that the cookie is not nearly angry enough. The cookie also seems to be mostly mouth. They do have that Bat logo down pretty well, and he certainly has pointy ears like that.

Moving on to Superman.

The dopeyness seems to be pretty spot on, and I’m pleased that the cookie will apparently have a tiny Superman hair curl.

Now to Supergirl.

Holy lordums would ya look at that sass! She is sassin’ out like nobody’s business! Hand all on her hip, the other momentarily at her side, after a rousing bit of snapping, I’m sure. She has a tiny cookie belly button, and I guess there’s a headband somewhere in her hair.

Finally Wonder Woman

I was trying to keep with the “clenched teeth, about to punch someone” theme I had going there, but this picture is too good. Wonder Woman’s cookie eyes stare into you very soul, which seems right on target. Though they didn’t get a star on her tiara which seems like it would be far less complicated than Superman’s hair curl.

Oh and the logo!

I guess it says the right words, except they left off “Unlimited.” Ok.

I tear open the box, and am greeted by the actual cookies. Here’s a terrible shot because I have a terrible camera:

How do the promised cookies stand up to the actual product?

Imagine they’ve all gotten punched in the face a few too many times. Except the logo, logo looks great. It was upsetting however, to find that Supergirl’s sass is goin’ to the other side on the cookie! What gives! What did she have to sass over there!?

How do these things taste? They’re fucking delicious. I have been eating them the entire time I’ve been typing this.

I flip the box over as I munch to find something on the back of anything marketed towards children: a game!

The directions read:

“Draw a line from the Justice League hero on the left to the matching hero on the right. Unscramble the letters not crossed out by the drawn lines to reveal the name of Superman’s arch enemy.”

I decide to give this a try, because gosh! It seems like a blast! And I love the two-fer puzzle involving both drawing lines and unscrambling letters.

That was so easy, you guys. I do however, hope that if you are to attempt this puzzle, you be damn good at drawing straight lines. I wrote the answer in the circles below, circles that would be too small for any child to be able to write in properly, as kids always write in big huge letters.

The answer was Lex Luthor, so at least the people making these things are slightly on the up and up on their trivia and we didn’t get some dumb question like “Who is Batman’s sidekick?” and the answer they have is “Batgirl.”

Goddammit these things are good.