Time for another one of these ordeals!
Last night I watched The Enemy Below, the third episode (or 6th & 7th if you prefer), and the debut of Aquaman on the series. I never used to watch this episode very much, and I’m not exactly sure why, since it’s a pretty good episode. For one thing though, there’s no Flash. And Aquaman can be such a dick. I think 3/4ths of this episode is him and Green Lantern just being dicks to each other.
The episode starts with a US submarine getting too close to Atlantis, I guess. Aquaman says they violated the “soveriegn borders of Atlantis” but seriously, I think he actually means “any water any where” when he says that. I half expect him to beat people up for taking showers. The sub has a chick on it, which while I’m all for gender equality, I’m pretty sure women are actually not allowed to serve on subs. Something about guys trying to have sex with them in torpedo tubes I’m sure.
So the Atlanteans attack the sub, with the tried and true method of “run into it.”
And the Justice League shows up to help, in the Javelin, which can apparently go underwater.
I don’t know how they got out of it.
They save the dudes, but Aquaman only lets them take the people, even though IT’S A NUCLEAR SUB! And GL gets his panties in quite the bunch. Aquaman goes home to his hot wife.
Back on the Watchtower, we experiment with cheap ways to animate a scene.
Meanwhile, Aquaman apparently walks to shore and is a dick at the World Assembly. Then as he’s leaving, someone shoots at him. Well, at his feet. With a rocket.
Though he was apparently aiming somewhere else.
So they rush him to the hospital where all the doctors are befuddled until someone shows up.
OH MY GOD I COULDN’T TELL IT WAS BATMAN BY THE VOICE!
Batman tells them to put him in water, oh thank god. I didn’t know hospitals had giant tubes. I also didn’t know water can cure wounds from a goddamn rocket. Like, if I get shot underwater, and crazy seadoctors are trying to fix me, simply putting me into a tube of air isn’t going to solve all my problems. I guess I’ll stop drowning. While he’s in the tube, GL gets grumpy again.
DO NOT TAP GLASS GL.
Oh, and somewhere in there Orm showed up, because we needed someone else who is a dick and also wears horrible little short thingies.
It is time to catch a bad guy! Wonder Woman catches guys with large amounts of property damage, and then just goes in a grate anyway.
The bad guy was Deadshot, and they crash his van which then blows up, but I’m not really sure why.
Deadshot is voiced by Micheal Rosenbaum (aka The Flash), only now he is sort of doing a Kevin Spacey impression, which is pretty rad. He was hired to kill Aquaman and paid in piles of gold DUBLOONS, which I kept saying over and over for some reason last night. DUBLOONS. I never got the “being paid in gold” thing because I have no idea where I would spend gold. Can I take gold to Best Buy and get a big TV? Can I go to the car lot and give them gold for a new car?
The JL figures out that the plot to kill Aquaman is from someone in Atlantis! So they go to warn him but Orm and his octopus generals have already captured him and are totally gonna kill him. His generals all have octopi on their chests, by the way. I think rank is determined by number of legs, which wouldn’t really make them octopi. Or…disfigured octopi.
Orm takes Aquaman and his kid and hang them from a mountain thingy, before sending them to their deaths. My favourite line in this episode is where Orm is about to kill them and says “Well, I’m off to avenge your deaths.”
In the meantime, the JL has gotten captured by some Atlantis folk who are going to drown them. For some reason, they have a drowning chamber. Even though anyone who would drown would have to go through a bunch of WATER to get there. It’d be like if we had a chamber to kill someone which we filled with air. They’d have to go through air to get here in the first place. I tried to make some analogy to Framling about this last night but I ended up talking about space people and he kept looking at me like I was crazy so I gave up. Anyway, drowning chamber.
Mera saves them and while we’re waiting Aquaman is being a badass by chopping off his hand with what is apparently the sharpest belt buckle ever. On the commentary, they stated how important it was that the blanket the kid was wrapped in be red. IT MUST BE RED.
He goes to a doctor to get it fixed. Maybe the doctor should just put him in some water because oh god water water he is Aquaman!
While we’re all not doing much, Orm has set off this thing meant to melt the polar ice caps so that there’s water everwhere, which aquapeople would love. Aquaman and the JL go to stop him. And we get a couple things that are necessary for an Aquaman episode.
1. Talking to sealife.
2. Concentric circles.
I like the part where this guy is falling, so J’onn catches him. But then drops him anyway.
I love this picture when Orm electrident’s Aquaman.
Those two start duking it out in the Glacier of a Million Bridges!
Until Orm is a dangling.
“SCAR! BROTHER! HELP ME!”
GL and Batman take care of the whole melty thing, and Aquaman lets his dickhead brother plummet.
So, that’s The Enemy Below.
p.s. Deadshot’s butt.