Secret Origins

This is the official beginning of my episode commentaries, I guess we’ll call them, even though I sorta did one earlier on Blast from the Past. I’m starting in on Justice League with the first episode, Secret Origins.

Also, this post will contain spoilers, but I would hope that we’ve all seen Secret Origins already.

The episode covers how the league formed and gave the main backstory for J’onn (and a little of Wonder Woman too). Big aliens come to earth, oh shits, oh hey a Martian, let’s all beat dudes up, Batman finds a weakness and hey! We win!

First, I have to let everyone know just how much I love Snapper Carr. He’s so great. And oh how happy I was when I noticed that in the first few scenes with him, he’s snapping.

Snapper’s a valiant guy too. When this big rock falls on Superman, Snapper is right there trying to dig him out. Problem is it’s hard to dig someone out when you’re actually standing on the huge rock he’s under, and the rocks you CAN move are just being placed on that giant rock.

Aside from the whole bit with the guys on Mars, one of the first things we see is that scene with scientists at the deep-space monitoring station. And here’s something that I never really gave much thought to until I watched it last night. Dopey scientist guys says “Venus is rising early, and you know what that means!”

I have to be honest. I don’t know what that means. I google’d it, and the one search result was a snippet from a book. And the book…was the book version of Secret Origins (which my brother has and I’ve actually read even though it’s written for like…10-year-olds.) Is it some crazy astronomer joke? I have no idea.

So these aliens, we find out, are vulnerable to light. And I just have to wonder, how does a being vulnerable to sunlight manage to hide undercover on earth as a goddamn Senator for two years? Did noone go, “Hey, Senator Carter like…never goes out during the day. Something’s fucking up with him.” God,it just hit me that he’s like Dick Cheney or something. Fuck, Dick Cheney is bringing aliens here, goddammit.

Also, he has no arms!

This episode seemed to have a lot of things that happen just once and then never again. For example, the aliens apparently only brought one creepy dog thing. It gives Batman the old one-two and they didn’t think to bring more.

Then J’onn does this weird glowy power thing, that he never ever ever does again. It looks like this temp power I had in City of Heroes that I got from this one broad’s wedding ring. Is J’onn borrowing someone’s magic wedding ring? We can only wonder.

J’onn is involved with a couple creepy moments too. Like the arm thing.

Totally a take on him fucking the white Martians in Terror Incognita

And the Imperium’s tentacle all up his head? Jesus fuck,that’s horrible.

While we’re on the subject of J’onn, let me just ask. Wouldn’t it suck to guard something for 500 years and then the one time someone actually shows up, you’re in a hibernation cycle?

Then at this army base, they’re monitoring J’onn’s vital signs, apparently. If I were a shapeshifter, you couldn’t monitor anything on me. “Oh you’re gonna monitor my lungs? Oh look, they’re not there anymore. Now uh..I breath through a million spores all over my body. Monitor that, you twit.”

The other cool J’onn thing in this episode are the pyschic messages he sends to Superman. I found some screenshots of them, and while I don’t have much to say about them, I do think they’re cool to look at.

As the Justice League escapes from the aliens, Batman shows up and reverses an ion charge, which does…something? The league beats the crap out of those dudes. J’onn fucks the Imperium’s shit all kinds of up, and they save the 8 arbitrarily captured people.

I’ve heard complaints about this scene because Superman does like this “oh yeah, laser eyes!” moment that at first, seems to make absolutely everything else completely unneccessary. If you are someone who has wondered about that, let me point out what the earth looked like at the moment:

So, they’re blocking out the sun. Let’s all remember how Supes gets his powers. We all got that? Cool. Good.

This three-parter kicked off the series, and to be honest it was kind of rough. They didn’t want to make the characters the same and interchangeable so a lot of them seemed to initially be taken to extremes. Superman and Batman had whole series in which to develop, J’onn was a big focus in this episode so he developed quickly. But the other four? Very base characters.

Flash: Funny comment, something immature.
Hawkgirl: I want to hit shit and I want to hit it NOW.
Wonder Woman: Oh mother! Oh Hera! Oh man’s world!

Thank god they eventually got more characterization than that.

I think I’ll stop there, since this has gone for oh…ever now. It’s a three-parter with lots of stuff happening. At least I haven’t talked about the Bystander League yet. The next one should be a little shorter. It’s gonna be “In Blackest Night” and I think I’m going to do a Batman one very soon too (probably Almost Got ‘Im, maybe What is Reality?), assuming you guys enjoy this, and would wish for me to continue such ranting.


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