I watched Hand of Fate.
No not that hand.
Superman finds himself up against some goddamn magic and only Doctor Fate can help. I love Fate. He is so awesome.
The Superman theme song is super fun to sing along to. If you know the words.
That we made up. Which I’m not gonna tell you no matter how much you ask.
Ok, so that bridge part? Right? Sing
This is the girl he likes,
he rescues her,
And Jimmy Olson,
he takes pictures ooooooof….
And then, ya know, SUPERMAAAAAAAN!
All right enough singing.
A guy robbing an archeaology place finds this thing which has a bunch of codes to give you extra lives and unlimited ammo without reloading.
And oh big shocker here, it turns him into this monster dude, the Karkull. Fucking brilliant, guy.
And here’s another mind-blowing turn of events, the monster ends up at the Daily “Our shit is always getting wrecked” Planet.
He puts a magic force field around it so crap, Supes can’t get in. Then this kooky broad shows up.
This really dates the episode. I mean, now we have the internet to keep these people inside.
Supes decides crazy broad ain’t gonna do much and runs off to get Doctor Fate instead, who informs Supes that he has retired and is now keeping his helmet under this glass bell jar.
Supes is upset at Fate’s decision to play golf with old people rather than fight evil monsters. “I’m a glutton for punishment, why can’t you be one too?” So he runs off to fight Karkull by himself even though he can’t even get in the damn building, so I don’t know what his plan was.
Fate’s wife, Inza, stops Superman in time to give him this mystical olive.
Here take this magic martini too, we shook it up in the helmet.
OTHER LESSER KNOWN USES FOR THE HELMET OF NABU
1. Martini Shaker
2. Place under glass, wait for it to glow (not neccessarily useful)
3. Lampshade (Note: Helmet makes a poor lampshade)
4. Popcorn bowl
5. Extinguish large candles (you know, like those things at church)
6. Flower pot
Karkull turns everyone in the Planet into monsters. The Lois monster even has Lois hair still. For some reason.
The Jimmy one doesn’t have red hair, which I found disappointing.
So Fate shows up with a thing to beat Karkull but like a moron he drops it down a huge pit. Apparently his gloves are covered in Vaseline or he has the worst butterfingers out of anyone ever anywhere. Even worse than a few minutes earlier, where I should note, Superman dropped his damn magic olive.
Supes flies down to get it, while Karkull ties up Fate with his tentacle (there are A LOT of tentacles in this episode) and when Supes flies back with it, there was this moment where I seriously thought he was about to throw the thing at Fate. Who is tied up. That’s how dumb I think Superman is. Thank god he didn’t.
In the end, Karkull gets his slimy ass kicked, Fate decides to be Fate instead of collecting social security, and everything is cool.
1. Think of other things the Helmet of Nabu could be used for.
2. Add humorous text to this image: