The Main Man Part 2

Fuck my rambling, let’s dive right in!

Emperor Spooj (who Lobo was delivering Sqweek too) is unhappy because Lobo has not delivered Sqweek to him yet. He’s yelling at Sqweek’s brother Gnaww and his goons who Lobo beat the crap out of in the previous episode. Gnaww is trying the feed the Emperor some line about Lobo double-crossing him and he decides to send Gnaww and the crew out after Lobo despite them totally getting their asses handed to them earlier. Maybe the Emperor just has a nice sense of humor like that. I should point out that the Emperor is very gross and when he pounds his “fists” stuff flies off him and it kinds looks like leeches or something, but it isn’t.

Superman is still in his incredible simulation of Krypton but has convinced the Preserver to let him change out of his incredibly simulated clothes and back into his Superman outfit. His incredibly simulated room seemed to be lacking an incredibly simulated changing area but we won’t dwell on that too much. We also won’t dwell on who changed him into the other outfit in the first place and how awkward/arousing that might’ve been.

One room over, Lobo is chilling out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool and is gassed out of his mind, weakening him and making him forget he’s imprisoned. His room is an incredible simulation of a basement in 1978.

He walks into the glass wall and things come reeling back. He pounds on it, cracking it once before the two robot chicks in the room come over and start gassing him some more. I would turn up their programming so that maybe that gas would start coming out before he damages stuff, but I’m not a floaty egg guy so who am I to talk?

Supes looks around and sees a shiny rock crystal thingy displayed exactly as it might’ve been displayed on Krypton (incredible!). He grabs it starts reflecting the light from at the eyes of one of those rhino things from Super Mario World.

He apologizes like he’s killing it or something, then manages to get the thing to charge at his cage, busting the glass open and freeing him! Superman grabs a piece of the broken glass and crushes it in his hand, trying to gauge how much of his strength has returned now that he’s out from under the red lights. It’s the same way I gauge my strength. My hand’s cut up real bad now. The answer is, it’s kinda back, but not really.

As he looks for an exit, Lobo suggests that Superman rescue him too. When Superman refuses, Lobo threatens Earth which, oh my god, Superman can’t have that. He cuts a deal. He busts Lobo out, and Lobo agrees to steer clear of Earth from now on. Lobo agrees and Superman lays waste to Lobo’s jar. The robot girls finally notice what is up and come over to give Lobo a blast of gas, but he grabs their gas tubes and ties them together, resulting in my favorite shot to randomly post out of context ever.

I almost feel bad giving it context here. Like I’ll have to throw it in randomly in a later review or something.

The Preserver has sent some security droids to take care of Supes and Lobo as he is obviously a fragile egg-like creature, who, even when hard-boiled, must be carefully lowered into the dye with a fancy, metal dipping device that is included in the dye kit. The droids float towards Supes and Lobo who duck behind some cages to hide. They’re all “blast blast kablooey! even though all the animals there are the last of their species and whatnot. That’s what you get for using droids, I guess. Not that the Preserver seems to care.

Supes says they need a distraction, and Lobo decides to just shove him into the line of fire. If only there had been some wild animals around. Oh well. The two take out the droids one by one and start making their way to the loading dock with their bike/ship. Lobo though would rather go beat the shit out of the Preserver, and who can blame him? While they debate about it though, they have conveniently stopped over a trap door. The Preserver hits a button and sends the two plummeting into a pit with a horrible snake-like creature?

Where’s Kevin Bacon when you need him?

Oh wait, fuck that, you don’t him because you have Superman and Lobo. Supes tangles with the creature for a bit before Lobo, grabs it by the tail and…ugh, rips its skin off.

Meanwhile, Sqweek’s brother Gnaww is giving the Preserver a ring, telling him they’ve tracked Lobo to his ship. The Preserver, still trying to stay away from the action, invites Gnaww and his goons onto the ship to fight Superman and Lobo, hoping they stand a chance with the two juggernauts both in rather weakened states.

On their romp through the Preserver’s ship, Lobo has found where he’s been keeping Sqweek and grabs him so he can still collect on his bounty. Gnaww has caught up with them too and they give chase. Supes and Lobo hide but Supes comes up with a plan and tells Lobo to head for the docking bay while he holds off Gnaww and Co. Lobo runs off and they fire at Superman who summons the bit of strength he has to rip open a door on a nearby animal housing thing. The goons assume Superman was trying to release a horrible monster on them and decide to throw him in there instead. The pick him up and give him a heave and then run in behind him, to watch I guess, which is more than I can say for a lot of bad guys who just assume people are dead. Out from some nearby bushes though, hops a bird. Superman says it’s a dodo, and it’s from earf, motherfuckers. He looks up at the yellow sun lamps.

Or well…

The incredible simulation of yellow sun lamps. At any rate, they’re enough to give him the buzz he needs to power up and kick everyone’s ass.

Lobo in this time, has made it to his bike, but the Preserver has finally decided to get involved. Unfortunately for Lobo and Supes, he has set his Ben10 watch to “horrible red monster thing” and isn’t a delicate little flower anymore.

Lobo gets a bright idea and flings a chain/ax thing into a control panel causing all the bay doors to open. What luck! He holds on to the chain and his bike and Superman holds on, his fingers digging into the floor. The Preserver however, is not so lucky and goes flying into space screaming, “I’ll get you next time, Lobo! NEXT TIME!”

Lobo is explaining all of this Emperor Spooj who is now using Sqweek to clean his…I don’t know, I have no idea what Sqweek is doing. Who really cares?

Superman has taken all of the Preserver’s creatures and given them new homes in his fortress, and here’s hoping the Preserver wrote down what to feed them and how often they need to go out for walks and when they’re due for their next shots.

I’d hate to get whatever crazy flu some of those creatures are probably carrying.

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