This might be the only episode review this week as I do a Christmas thing on Wednesday and a voice actor thing on Friday. Next week will probably be more holiday stuff and I’m gonna whip out holiday scans for the rest of the month as well. After Christmas, I think I’m going to do something I have yet to do, 2 parters from series other than JL. And there’s quite a few B:TAS episodes so I’m not sure which one to do. Maybe I’ll pick a few and put it up to a vote? I don’t know. Anyway, I watched P.O.V., an episode of B:TAS focusing on the fact that even if you tell the truth fatasses and jerks will ruin it so you still get in trouble. Thanks a lot.

The episode opens with Montoya and a rookie cop, Wilkes speeding down the streets of Gotham towards a drug sting the department had been planning. They were to meet Bullock there, but as they pull up, the warehouse is ablaze and Bullock is laying on the ground obviously in pain, possibly from all the eating he had been doing. Montoya runs up and asks what happens, and why didn’t he wait for them, and goddammit. A couple of crooks go running out of the warehouse, and Wilkes takes off after them. Montoya goes to help but Bullock tells her there’s 2 more inside and she heads that way instead. As she runs off, Bullock looks up and sees Batman before passing out from the very strain of staying conscious.

The next day our three police officers are getting read the riot act from some…dude. The Commish refers to him as Lieutenant a couple times and his last name is apparently Hackle and his arms fly everywhere when he is yelling about stuff. He starts suggesting that the three cops are working with the gang and taking bribes and shit which is a valid concern in Gotham but he seems to be mad at the three people that actually don’t do that.

Bullock decides to tell his side of things first.

“Well officer, I was sitting on my fat, worthless ass as usual. I had decided to eat something when I saw something delicious run inside the warehouse. I knew I should wait for Montoya to show up because they would be bringing plenty of tasty treats, but man that could’ve been anything going inside there. It could’ve been a cookie, a cupcake, a WHOLE cake not even just a cup part. Oh man…”

So Bullock sees Batman go inside the warehouse, decides to follow him in. He sees the crooks drilling into a safe, trips on a can which alerts them to his presence, and they all start attacking him. One of them swings at him with an ax that lodges itself in a fusebox or something and starts the fire, much like a certain Ninja Turtles movie.

Bullock could really use Casey Jones to come cover his ass while he escapes right about now. One of the thugs inform him to “fry, copper!” because people on B:TAS use the word “copper” much to my delight. They get him trapped behind a bunch of burning boxes and Batman has to come save his ass. Naturally in his portrayal of this story, Bullock makes sure to say that he saved Batman, which is just…haha, so cute.

At the end of his tale, Hackel isn’t buying it and is asking Harvey was taking bribes, maybe lining his pockets with graham cracker crusts and filling them with chocolate pudding.

It is now the rookie’s turn to explain what happened in his pursuit of two of the thugs. He runs after them, with a shotgun, which seems like an odd choice of pursuit weaponry, but whatever. He turns down an alley where the back of a truck opens and a car drives out of it, after our young officer. As he stares death in the headlights, Batman swoops in to save the day. Wilkes account is all “Batman was like magic or some shit!” because Wilkes eyes cannot see Batarangs or ropes or anything. He’s the sorta guy who think Uri Gellar is totally real magic. Bats grabs one of the thugs and Wilkes hears the word “dock” but can’t for the life of him figure out what it means.

Finally it’s Montoya’s turn to talk. Inside the burning warehouse, she too is carrying her convenient shotgun, when some thugs see her. The one hurls what I think was their bag of money at her and she drops her shotgun which goes sliding into the flames making it more of a hotgun. HA HA HA. The guy with the drill points the drill at her with raging innuendo and Batman swoops in to save the day. He saves the Montoya just in time for the roof to collapse and bury him, obviously dead.

Hackel is screaming and ranting about the cops’ conflicting tales that don’t really conflict at all, but ok. The only disagreement is whether or not Montoya and Wilkes were late. He suspends all three of them which the Commish doesn’t care for but goes along with anyways. I don’t know why, I don’t know where this guy supposedly ranks even, what the hell.

Montoya isn’t pleased about having to turn over her badge and firearm and giant shotgun, but does so nonetheless. On the train she’s doodling in a notebook. What on earth could “dock” mean? she wonders.

As she writing “doc” which makes possible sense and “doque” which is completely stupid, the train goes by the docks and she goes “ooooooh, dooooooock.”

Using her giant brain, she finds the building the criminals are in and sees that they also have Batman who is very not dead. He’s tied up and hanging over/from/near/preposition a giant crane. Batman asks what’s up or something and the thug says he doesn’t know why the boss is keeping him “hanging around.” Another guy is playing with Batman’s belt which seems to have a compartment full of dust solely for turning someone’s face pink.

That didn’t knock him out or anything. Just turned his face pink, like one of those ink things they put in bags when you rob a bank.

Batman asks where the boss is and the guy points and says “up thatta way” and Batman’s like “s’all I needed to know” and flips out a knife that he cuts himself down with. Hahaha what a sonofabitch. He beats up a bunch of thugs and Montoya pops up to take out on of them that was about to get Bats from behind. He turns and uses his Bat-acting skills to appear thankful while aw shucksing at all the awesome ways he was gonna take that guy out with that he didn’t get to use.

More guns charge at them and Batman swings a table down upon one of them with such force that his head goes right through the table.

The two crime fighters battle them off when one goon pulls out a guns and fires at them wildly. Batman grabs Montoya and uses a Batrope to swing them safety. He tells her to stay there in his Batvoice that, early in the series, was really breathy sometimes. As he returns to the battle, Montoya realizes that he has left her near the crane controls, and she quickly learns how to use them by dropping a crate near the fleet of thugs closing in on Bats. It crashes through the docks and they all fall into the water, drowning horribly.

The boss guy is looking to make good his escape and gets on his giant boat which starts moving away from the docks. Another goon, the one with the drill earlier, comes speeding at Batman on a forklift. Batman leaps on top of it and throws the guy off into a pile of crates. Comfortable behind the wheel, he steers the forklift toward the edge of the dock and sends it careening off the docks, and sailing into the boat sinking that fucker. And probably killing those guys in the lower decks.

The boss guy still manages to get off the ship but Montoya stops him.

The episode ends with Commish reinstating all three officers and Hackel being totally pissed because I’m pretty sure a suspended officer running off and doing shit like Montoya did breaks all kinds of rules. This is the ending, as opposed to the ending I wanted which was something like this:

Batman, Montoya, Commissioner are all standing around laughing.
Montoya: And then Bullock says that he pulled you out of that fire!
Batman: Hahahaha, holy fuck, that is fucking gold. Well, I’ll check you guys later, peace!


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