Throughout the DCAU (and really comics in general), there is a group of people running with the heroes and villians stride for stride. Keeping a watchful eye and informing the public of the latest disaster or crime are the snoops, the sneaks, the chronically kidnapped, the pains in the ass. Yes. The reporters.

Members of the press run rampant through every series from Batman to Superman to Justice League, right down to the school paper in Static Shock. They seek touncover the truth, and occassionally also seek to uncover something more. You know what I mean.

Let’s start in the beginning. The persistent thorn in Bruce Wayne’s side. That bitch, Summer Gleeson. Summer’s apparently a very capable reporter, but who could fucking tell with how goddamn stupid she seems. I mean look at her:

She’s got that greenish jacket. And that neck thing? Who wears those?

It really says a lot about Bruce, that he would continually rescue this:

Superman, being a reporter himself, is also completely surrounded on all sides by reporters. First and foremost being Lois Lane. Once while mostly lost in Portland, I went by a street named Lois Lane and it pretty much made my entire night. To be fair, at this point it had been a generally shitty night. Lois is known in Metropolis for being Superman’s girlfriend and also sorta known for being a cut-throat reporter. She dated Lex once, god knows why, and she has a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She gets kidnapped/captured/tied up a lot.

You would think that at some point she would take a lesson in escape artistry or maybe start packing heat or something.

Lucky Lois manages to even get it from the Joker that’s surprisingly unrelated to her little fling with Bruce Wayne. And she’s one of a very small group to know he’s Batman.

I did not pick that picture for Lois just because it was also an excuse to show Bruce.

And by “did not” I mean did. He is so fucking dreamy.

Also at the Daily Planet is Ron Troupe, pimp extraordinary:

He gets the low down on the down low from the prostitutes he undoubtedly employees. In fact, when you buy a hat like that, the prostitutes actually come with the hat.

Also in Metropolis is news lady, Angela Chen. She and Lois don’t really get along. Angela does some TV reporting:

The station has a great logo that consists of a three in a circle but part of the three is made longer so it connects to the circle. It is the first technique they teach you in Logo 101.

In Justice League, the prominent newsman is none other than Snapper Carr! I adore Snapper for his crack news reporting and his affinity for snapping. Plus he’s not constantly in danger. Which is probably at least in some small way, related to the fact that he’s not making out/trying to make out with any league members.

Look at him though:

With his sport jacket and black shirt, grasping his mic with a confidence only a man of action can exude. He is Snapper fucking Carr, and he some fucking news to report.

He is often seen with his camera crew, and yes, even sometimes snaps at them.

Later in JLU, we meet the delightful Linda Park, who, for every minute spent reporting about Flash, spends probably another 3 minutes dreaming about getting lost in his green eyes. And who could blame her, really? In her one episode appearance, she manages to do the “not realize the camera is still on” trick and get almost killed by rogues, and hit on a League member. She is the culmination of everything a DCAU reporter should be.

And of course in Batman Beyond, you have the virtual anchors who don’t do a goddamn thing.

I wonder if they do fake witty banter. And I use the term “witty” rather loosely here, as I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything on the nightly news that I would consider witty.

The upside of them not being real people is that no one can kidnap them.

Thank Christ.

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