I’ve gotten a few requests for this episode…somewhere. I think. I might’ve been dreaming. Or maybe some people just told me they liked this episode, with the sort of connotation implying that they wanted me to do a commentary on it. At any rate, the episode’s been watched and notes have been taken, and there’s no turning back.
Anyway, we’ve all dressed up like hobos before and we’ve all woken up with no idea who we are, what we did, or how we got here, but so rarely do they combine to form one extraordinary experience in a desert.
The Forgotten opens with Bruce “Keeping in Touch with the Commoner” Wayne, helping out in a local homeless shelter. One of the other workers informs him that some of the regular homeless people are missing along with one of the volunteers, but that the cops don’t care what with Gotham being constantly riddled with mobs and gang wars and crazy criminals and the Riddler. Always with the riddling!
The cops may not care, Bruce thinks…but you can tell by that look in his eye…
That night in the cave, Bruce is preparing his hobo disguise to head out on the town. He’s got a stubbly face and white hair, and the disguise is pretty impressive for apparently just being make up. He drives one of his non-Batmobile cars down to I guess just a shady part of town and starts wandering around looking for clues. In an alley, a couple of thugs attack him. Little do they realize their mistake.
Neither of them can land a punch on ol’ Bruce McDodgerson. I think a better strategy would be to punch towards where he’s not, and hope he accidentally dodges into your punch. This one dude keeps hitting a box.
Finally, the other guy manages to get behind Bruce without him realizing it, and whaps him hard on the back of the head. He’s down on the ground, out cold.
He wakes up in what seems to be an orphanage, handcuffed to a bed.
He looks around and says “oh boy” in the same manner as one might declare “ah crap.” I say “oh boy” a lot when I wake up in a strange room, handcuffed to a bed. Though it’s usually more like “oh boy! This is sure to be a blast!”
A couple of dudes introduce themselves as Salvo and Dan Riley. Salvo’s the funny dude. They ask Bruce what his name is, and he…he…he can’t remember!
Some disgusting food doesn’t manage to jog his memory at all, and then a horrible, disgusting fat guy who could use a jog now and then, or all the time, comes out and starts ranting about people eating. I suppose he would want all the food to himself. He’s only making the hobos work in the mines until he has enough to create a vast hobo army and conquer every grocery store, restaurant, and hot dog cart in a 10 mile radius.
As a demonstration of his immense power, he orders his guards to lock some random guy in a box to sweat in the desert sun. God, this fat guy is making hobos do things he should do like eat less, and work, and sweat. It’s like some bizarro version of that Biggest Loser show.
Dan, Salvo, and Bruce are all workin’ the mines. And Salvo’s all makin’ with the jokes. Though I must say, if I were kidnapped and forced to work in mines in a desert, I think that would be the point where I stop tucking my shirt in every morning.
Hell that might even be the point where I stop buttoning it too.
Somewhere around here, I start to wonder just what Bruce did to his hair to make it white that night. I don’t think it’s a wig, because if it is, it is on there good. And if it’s not a wig…I mean, he couldn’t dye his hair to go undercover all the time, that’s just impractical. Whatever it is, it stays put.
Back in Wayne Manor, Alfred’s a wee bit concerned that Bruce isn’t home. He wields some phone calls down in the Batcave and decides to do some investigating. He goes to the garage to see which car he’d been driving. Because, goddammit, he has a fuckton of cars.
Alfred notices that the Studebaker is missing, and heads to the Batputer to track it.
In the hobo camp, Bruce is having crazy dreams about the Joker and other stuff and wakes up screaming before shedding a single tear, like a native American crying over some litter.
God, fuck, Fatass McMakeyapuke is back with his food dripping everywhere, and declares that he’s “never seen such lazy scum.” I can’t imagine how he’s gone his entire life without coming across a reflective surface. Salvo makes a fart-ish noise, and since there’s a rule about fart-ish noises, Fatass decides he deserves a lock in the box. Bruce and Riley declare that to be bullshit and start fighting to help Sal. Bruce manages to pick up a guy and just chuck him over his head. Just, right over his head. Like, 8 feet in the fucking air.
Unfortunately, Slurpy O’ Squeezecheeze declares that they too shall be locked in the box, even though his men seem to all be getting their asses handed to them, or thrown very high into the air.
Alfred has tracked the car to a dump, although I’m not sure how it got there, and he sees the unruly characters that kidnapped Bruce earlier. Suspect of their motives, he removes the tracker from the car and sticks it under their truck, in a slick maneuver that reminds you why they call him Alfred The Awesome (because he’s awesome.)
Bruce and Riley have gotten tossed in their boxes. Perhaps someone decided to just pull a gun on them. Riley is ranting about how angry he is to be a fucking box, because who wouldn’t be upset at that situation? He mentions his son, and his family. At the words “My family!” Bruce has a sudden flashback to his parents. He remembers…HE REMEMBERS! HE IS FUCKING BATMAN AND HE DOES NOT TAKE SHIT LIKE SITTING IN A BOX. HE IN FACT IS GOING TO BUST SOME FUCKING HEADS.
As a testament to that very realization, he breaks out of that metal box with one fucking kick.
He busts Riley, but folks are quite upset at them.
Now, I don’t usually discuss the quality of animation on this show, because it’s almost always top goddamn notch. But man, the perspective in this scene…
It looks as if Bruce is being persued by some normal people, but also some tiny people, and their tiny doggies.
They chase Bruce up some rocks, and he, in what seems to be a running theme this episode, makes an amazing leap to escape them.
Alfred has decided to take matters into his own hands, as we see the Batplane come zipping in with him fearfully attempting to pilot it. He instructs the on-board computer to land, and is told that landing there is impossibly dangerous. Alfred insists, and apparently that computer was equipped with a special sass module, as it replies “Your funeral.” Though I think my favorite of the computer’s lines is “Caution: Rocks.”
Also, did the plane not have hover capabilities at this point? I’ve seen it hover, but maybe it hadn’t yet? Maybe this little adventure inspired Bruce to change up some stuff with the plane. I’m just wondering how something that can hover is having trouble landing.
Alfred does manage to get the thing on the ground and find Bruce. But back in the lair of Jabba the Hutt, he’s declaring that he will eat the escaped bums alive. It’s important when you eat that damn much to shake things up from time to time.
I’ve always heard you’re not supposed to talk with your mouthful, what rules apply if there is food actually just hanging out of your mouth as if you just have one really pointy tooth you have attached it to?
Batman shows up and decides to show these assholes just what’s what. He leads them to some of the caves, where he seperates them and takes them out one by one in that Batman method where even though he’s got that grim look on his face, you can just HEAR him laughing at how awesome he is and how pathetic you are and how he’s going to just beat the crap out of you and ARRARAARARARRGH.
Eventually it’s just him and the fatso who implores Batman to just “Leave him alone!”. I suppose asking nicely seemed like as good a strategy as any by then. Some explosives manage to come into contact with flame, as oft happens in the DCAU, and he and fatty need to fat the fat out of fat. Oh jeesh, sorry, all I can think is fat. Uh, oh they need to get the hell out of there. He throws the guy into what is sure to be the funnest water slide ever.
Waterslide! Wheeeeeeeeeee! Explosions! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!
The Fatso lands with a thunderous cannonball, draining the entire stream.
Back in Gotham, the homeless people have been returned to their…uh…
Riley had a home! He’s been returned to his home and is letting Salvo stay with him while he gets a job and stuff. He offers Bruce a place to stay too, right around the time Alfred pulls up in a kick ass car. He offers to help them get jobs, and drives away going “hahaha I’m rich!”
They don’t bother to ask why his hair was white before.
Maybe they think he’s naturally like that, and he got back to Gotham and loaded up on the Just For Men.