An Uncomfortable Examination of Michael Rosenbaum

In this new feature, “An Uncomfortable Examination” we will take a closer look at various cast and crew members, characters, and aspects of the DCAU. Your personal comfort levels may vary. We kick off this inaugural edition by delving into the depths that surround one Michael Rosenbaum, voice of the Flash.

I always spell Michael wrong. I write it. Look at it. Change the “a” and the “e” around. Look at it again, change it back. The first time I wrote it there, I had to check the internet to make sure it was spelled right. And everytime I write it after this, I will refer to the previous time.

Michael Rosenbaum has spent a lot of time in the DCAU. Starting back in the Batman Beyond era and working his way up to voice Flash in Justice League.

He voiced Ghoul in Batman Beyond:

As well as later in JLU. His “inspiration” for the voice was an impersonation of Christopher Walken.

He used Kevin Spacey as the basis for the voice of Deadshot on JL(U):

Speaking of impersonations, you know that show with all the celebrity impersonaters? I hate that show.

He also voiced Ollie in Batman Beyond:

He voiced some other people too. Like, the Justice Lord Flash! Shock!

Michael Rosenbaum is known, by less nerdy people, as Lex Luthor on the hit WB series Smallville, a show with enough gay erotic fan fiction written about to keep the show going on HBO for another 20 years. Tales have been told of Lex running his fingers through Clark’s dreamy locks while Clark softly caresses Lex’s sleek, smooth head. Tales so bold they make everyone in the room slightly uncomfortable. Let’s be honest though, when the show got less gay, it really took a turn for the worse. Hell, I hardly even watch it and I know that. All that sexual tension is what kept the viewers on the edge of their seats. I also hate Lana on that show. She sucks.

But tell me this isn’t hot:

He got an action figure out of it though! Check this shit out:

During his appearance on MTV’s Cribs, Michael Rosenbaum revealed himself to be exactly like Flash as he slid around his hardward floors in socks, and dove across his kitchen counter. As opposed to the usual Cribs theme of having a fridge full of row after row of bottled beverages, he showed off a fridge with food people actually eat, and snacked a bit on his leftover chinese food. Moving to the cupboards, he snacked again on some Captain Crunch. Must he keep eating for his secretly hyper-accelerated metabolism?

We move into his gym where he has various exercise equipment, some of which I assume are of the cosmic variety. He shows off his lightsaber and his toys, his arcade and his karaoke system. He is the most excited person I have ever seen. I think to myself “My god, I could totally see him owning a Flashmobile.”

And then we go outside. Because it is time for Michael Rosenbaum to show off his cars. And holy fucking shit, is he walking towards a goddamn van? Indeed he is. It has dice in the mirror, a TV in the back, and a seat that reclines into a bed. What the fucking hell. I am in such disbelief that I can only assume the van on Justice League was actually based on his van. The writers had to have known. They had to have.

Michael Rosenbaum also is a pretty nerdy guy, and plays hockey. Sometimes he plays it for charity.

He was nominated for a Teen Choice Award for “Best TV Sidekick” for his role on Smallville. I..I think that’s how they say “Best Supporting Actor” because uh, Lex isn’t a sidekick. His role in that show is actually about as far from “sidekick” as one can get.

To wrap this up, I would like to let you all know that sometimes he even has hair!

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